Working?

Every year in January I reevaluate my behaviors vs. goals to see where the leaks are. I then begin to patch and plan for the new me. My new fabulously productive and streamlined life! At last!

Well, on paper anyway. When it comes to the daily reality of trying to follow the schedules I set up for myself I tend to drop the ball. Maybe I ask too much of myself but I see other people doing it. I want to exercise, meditate, eat healthily, laugh, love, create, read, rest, and work a 40 hour week. This is what all those well polished people in the Priuses do, right. They rock career, family, and fitness. They host dinner parties, spend time at zen retreats, and never let their roots go more than 1/4 inch before they make that salon appointment. And they do it with a smile. Right? Why can't I do this? How do they find the time? And the energy! I don't have kids. I do my own hair and I put it off until I've got a two toned look. I get cranky and unreasonable. I procrastinate working even when it is the work I love, the life I manifested.

The truth is I am already living the life of my dreams. I have a loving partner, beautiful cats and a great house in a liberal, garden filled neighborhood. 16 hrs a week I teach people with autism about fitting into this reality. This time always serves to improve my own understanding of how to do this as well. I spend the rest of my work week creating this business. The business of shopping at thrift stores to find the perfect fuzzy fabrics with which to make some creature or other. I love this. Using different fabrics all the time changes the end result of the creature so that I never know how it is going to turn out. The magic moment when I take a hollow, inside out creature and pull it right side out...it's like unwrapping a present.

This is especially exciting during the design phase. My first elephant was more like a giraffephant. Which then gives me an idea that I can't wait to try. This will happen over and over until I'm so bursting with potential ideas that I can't sleep at night because my brain is still trying to figure out the details of some new two headed giraffephant that I just have to add to my line.

I suspect that adding pressure to my full life in the form of self correction gets met head on by my rebellious inner teenager. Before I know it I'm texting my friends, checking my facebook, and eating pizza for breakfast when I'm scheduled to be sewing, or practicing mindfulness, or eating a salad.

Maybe I want to change this OCD tendency toward self correction. Maybe I can pause in this moment to appreciate my good fortune, to thank myself for making the right choices. When I teach I use positive reinforcement. It is a valuable skill to be able to view daily life from a positive perspective. I am here. How can I experience, encourage, and cultivate all that is good in this moment?