27 January 2010

'Puter Prollings

This morning I went to do my usual computer work. It all revolved around my next product photo edits. I decided to edit just one or two photos a day. This way I could trickle them online more slowly hoping to draw more attention...'CEPT I GOTS EFFING 'PUTER PROLLINGS!!! EFF!!! Our main computer (Jonathan's computer) has gotten a virus. Maybe from the Chinese sites where we stream Star Trek TNG. Maybe from somewhere else. It has gotten to the point that as soon as I turn the computer on it shuts itself back down. I do not dare mess with J's computer. Fortunately we do have a second computer. It isn't as fast but fast enough to cruise the web. The problem is that it doesn't have photo editing software. I could probably search for something free online to download. But that could take most of the day and I have to take a hint. I've been very computer indulgent lately. I get this way with the business where I just want to sit in front of the computer all the time. I'm not sure why. Laziness? Fear of creating cool things? I have plenty of "productive" things to do online: Promotion, networking, updating info on my various sites... But I have yet to even cut a cat-o-pus this week. My goal was 15. I would be happy with 8 for now. That would give me enough to go around to 5 local shops with them and the 7 I already have finished.

Here's the issue. I strongly dislike the idea of going around to shops to sell them my product. I hate being a sales person. It makes me feel bad about myself. I take rejection personally. I get mildly agoraphobic about even leaving the house to do something like this and I will find almost anything to use an excuse not to go. Like for example right now I just had to post a new blog entry because you really needed to know all of this in order for my business to succeed. Right?

25 January 2010

Monday again

Here we are at another Monday. Jonathan has Tues/Weds off these days so we call today FridayMonday.

This morning's workout was a lovely walk up the 23rd hill to Lawrence then a loop around. Up by the reservoir there is a strip of large, bushy, cedar shrubs. The type where the boughs hang all the way to the ground. I walked by there Saturday to three young male (I think) voices from inside the shrubs. They were making plans, daring each other to jump from heights that I can only guess were inside the tree, close to the trunk. I'm sure they saw me but I never caught a glimpse of them so I imagined they were some sort of tree sprites or maybe reservoir gnomes. Perhaps hilltop trolls. I used to do the very sort of thing as a kid. I loved to find a tree that hung all the way to the ground then turn it into my very own palace. I looked closer under the cedars today. For one thing I'm too big to do much moving around in there. For another it was wet, drippy, and embarrassed as I am to say it-dirty. I really don't mind getting dirty. I just think I need a bigger tree on a dryer day. Maybe then I could still enjoy one of nature's tree forts as a grown up.

My photo shoot yesterday was fun. I learned that I can't substitute a regular incandescent light for even part of the lighting of a photo. At least I think I get this, that the lighting is off color. Regular bulbs don't contain the full spectrum so it changes the colors in the photo. Fortunately the cat-o-pii are small so I balanced a cookie sheet on the window sill to take all the photos in stronger natural light. I didn't have time to do much editing but I put one photo on yesterday's post. Hopefully they turned out well.

Today's work is editing photos and posting a new product on etsy. This afternoon I go to Riley's to help him clean house and cook dinner. Then back to the photo project.

I have the goal this week of making more valentine cat-o-pii and getting them on display in a minimum of five local shops. 15 more cat-o-pii is what that means. I like making them. They're the quickest creature I make so far and they're just silly.

24 January 2010

Long as I can see the light (updated)

Polly the cat is on my lap today. I am typing around her. Like I said she wants to be close. I don't know if she'll tolerate this finger wiggling in such close proximity yet not petting for very long.

Yesterday I finished stuffing the cat-o-pii and monkey I sewed earlier in the week. In a flash of marketing brilliance I hand stitched hearts to the front of most of the cat-o-pii for Valentine's Day. I realized with love notes in pockets it isn't a far stretch to call these little tentacular cat creatures the perfect valentine. There are a couple of cutesy pink hearted choices but also some plaid polyester hearts for the easily cheesed.

There goes Polly. She can't help it, she loves the classic pink heart.

Now I just have to get some decent photos of them. This is a skill I'm still working on. Etsy has a few articles on diy photography. They all say to take photos by a window to make use of natural light for the best looking photos, but it must be diffused to avoid glare, and you will maybe need a couple of extra lights on the other side to get rid of shadows. They say not to use flash but my no flash photos always come out worse than the flash ones so I must be doing something wrong. I have a wonky pop-up photo box I've 'made' (if by 'make' I can mean ripped a cardboard box apart and laid fabric over it). I can clip shop lights to my microphone stands. I have windows though the Oregon winter makes them hard to find ;) Just kidding. Of course I have their locations memorized.

I'll post some photos later.

22 January 2010

Inspiration

Last night I attended a weekly gathering we call 'Trash Talkin' Thursday'. This is where an ever changing group of friends gets together at the Cornucopia Burger Pub to talk serious trash. It's been almost five years that we have been enjoying this hilariously raunchy nosh n' slosh.

This time we were joined by two of my longest Eugene friends. Chuck, with whom I moved here, and Tara, a housemate twice. As we reminisced I thought about the impact these two individuals have made in my life. Chuck is one of the first people I knew to ignore his science degree, declare himself the writer he had always wanted to be, and hit the road to experience and write. This was more notable to me than my artist friends who went to college for art and called themselves artists. They had a sort of permission to do so. Chuck just decided it was so and so it was. Similarly, Tara is a self proclaimed visual artist. She paints, chalks, molds, and draws beautiful bright creations that I got to enjoy through two households. Living with a practicing artist is one of the most inspirational experiences of my life. It always makes me want to do it too.

I've been thinking about this a lot in the year I have been building up my business. I feel pulled in two directions when it comes to blossoming into a life I dreamed up for myself. On one hand: How dare I? Who am I to think I get to earn my living making silly fluffy creatures and being happy? In fact, how can I be happy at all in this world of suffering? I know we aren't supposed to ask ourselves these questions but I feel their asking from unconscious places. I feel deep pulls to heal this world. Doesn't a colorful playful life fly in the face of the tragedies happening all over my planet?

On the other hand I know that the fastest growth comes with positive reinforcement. I've watched my friend Sarah Hanna of the 'Life is Beautiful and so are YOU!' calendar create a life where she makes her living increasing the world's LOVE!!! She is doing it right now and I am so proud of her. She deserves to thrive. Seeing her blossom inspires me to do the same. She reminds people to be present in their lives. I think this is good. I think it is our responsibility to make the most of the tank of air we are allotted in this life. It takes up the same amount of space whether we live to our fullest potential or ignore the entire blessing of existence. Why not shine? It is not easy. I push myself a little bit at a time to increase my capacity for love. I still see myself being impatient and inconsiderate. Sometimes I feel depressed and cynical. I believe it takes ones entire life to blossom. I believe by setting a daily example for positivity we give others permission to do the same. And I believe this will help people transcend suffering.

My choices make a statement to the people who cross my path, not just my friends and acquaintances, but everyone. If I am suffering I give permission to others to do the same. The showgirl of your own discomfort. Right this way. When I look at it this way it seems very clear that I must do my best to totally rock. I encourage you to do the same. It will help me so much if you do.

20 January 2010

Jackalopes in Heaven

Grey Wednesday. Airplane moseys overhead. Polly the cat curled on the ottoman next to my computer chair. She likes to be close.

Jonathan (my partner) left early today for his Master Gardener classes so I got up early but groggy. Mosey is a good word for my pace. It's a vigorous workout day according to my plan. My body has yet to acknowledge this plan has any viability. It's time for more aerobic exercise. I know this because my dance class recently resumed and I am more out of breath than I used to be. I saw myself in a video from the class and was not pleased. I try to see beauty in the mirror (sometimes with success!) but a belly should not look like it's filled with gravy. Even if it is....

As I mentioned in a previous post I got back to sewing this week. I have one monkey and four cat-o-puses ready to be stuffed.

I am extra excited to start some new designs for creatures. It's difficult to decide. I started a two headed elephant/human (Pocketdermosapien? Pockethomoderm...no, that doesn't work.) I will finish this in the next couple of weeks. But it may not be the next product I develop.

There are the regular things like giraffes, rabbits, jackalopes, and platypii that I would like to make. Then there are the 'Oddities' I have in mind like two headed creatures, gryffins, flying monkeys, Dr. Who.... Each pattern takes some time to get mass produceable so it's best to prioritize except what are my priorities? I'm generally a 'do what I want' kind of gal. This would be the oddities choice for sure. But this is a business. People buy cute things for children not two headed photosynthetic sea slugs with pockets. Perhaps I can alternate. And maybe I'm wrong about the modern Grandma, or Uncle Wallis who gets you the sea slug for your second Birthday which becomes your lifelong companion. You would keep cinnamon sticks in it's pocket and bring it with you to college.

Today would have been my Dad's 55th Birthday. His name was Jack. I think of him when I think of Jackalopes for that reason. He died in a car wreck a couple of years ago and I miss him. We had great phone conversations ending up in the most random silly places with both of us giggling, happy that we finally got along. I wish I could send a train of jackalopes to heaven for my dad. Like Santa's reindeer, pulling a giant Radio Flyer wagon full of love and snacks. Happy Birthday, Dad!

18 January 2010

Monday

Today is Monday. This is the day I've scheduled myself all the way through 9:30 PM. It's only 8 hours of work. But I also want to fit in some lifestyle adjustments so the day goes late.

On Monday I don't have to get out of bed until 8:30 if I choose. This is important to me as a grown up starting a business to work in things like the fact that never in my life have I been a morning person. I do not wake up to an alarm clock well. I get to make my own schedule so why not start some of my days later? Maybe it's how my circadian rhythm pulses. Late. A little slow. Yep.

First thing on my list is a choice: meditate or write in my morning pages. This time I wrote. Then it's into the sweatpants for a workout. Which was hip hop dance with Jermaine Brown. It's a great workout. I wouldn't want you to see me do it. Maybe someday I will be able to dance in front of an audience. I won't worry too much about that as a goal. It's the exercise I'm after.

After the workout I shower and eat. Then around 11:00 I start "work". Today is the first time I sewed since the 14 hour days I was working during the Holiday Market. I took a week off. I took a week to clean my fabric explosion of a studio. And I took a week to do my taxes and expand my 'online presence'. Thus the blog.

Now it's back to sewing. I love to sew, but I really had to work up some momentum to start it after the outrageous sew-a-thon-o-rama of my Holiday Market experience. It was great! I felt energized. I love the whir of my new Husqvarna sewing machine. It's so smooth. It felt nice to be back with textile and assembly. Back into my cozy studio. Appreciating how easy it is to work in the clean and orderly wonder. I have at least a week's worth of creatures already cut and ready to sew. Some Primates, a couple of faux fur Pocketderms that are going to make a mess out my studio and whatever I'm wearing the day I assemble them, and a couple of very svelte Pocketdiles. One of the Pocketdiles is red and black vinyl snake skin. Thanks to Orbital Dave for the shirt that it's new skin once was.

17 January 2010

Working?

Every year in January I reevaluate my behaviors vs. goals to see where the leaks are. I then begin to patch and plan for the new me. My new fabulously productive and streamlined life! At last!

Well, on paper anyway. When it comes to the daily reality of trying to follow the schedules I set up for myself I tend to drop the ball. Maybe I ask too much of myself but I see other people doing it. I want to exercise, meditate, eat healthily, laugh, love, create, read, rest, and work a 40 hour week. This is what all those well polished people in the Priuses do, right. They rock career, family, and fitness. They host dinner parties, spend time at zen retreats, and never let their roots go more than 1/4 inch before they make that salon appointment. And they do it with a smile. Right? Why can't I do this? How do they find the time? And the energy! I don't have kids. I do my own hair and I put it off until I've got a two toned look. I get cranky and unreasonable. I procrastinate working even when it is the work I love, the life I manifested.

The truth is I am already living the life of my dreams. I have a loving partner, beautiful cats and a great house in a liberal, garden filled neighborhood. 16 hrs a week I teach people with autism about fitting into this reality. This time always serves to improve my own understanding of how to do this as well. I spend the rest of my work week creating this business. The business of shopping at thrift stores to find the perfect fuzzy fabrics with which to make some creature or other. I love this. Using different fabrics all the time changes the end result of the creature so that I never know how it is going to turn out. The magic moment when I take a hollow, inside out creature and pull it right side out...it's like unwrapping a present.

This is especially exciting during the design phase. My first elephant was more like a giraffephant. Which then gives me an idea that I can't wait to try. This will happen over and over until I'm so bursting with potential ideas that I can't sleep at night because my brain is still trying to figure out the details of some new two headed giraffephant that I just have to add to my line.

I suspect that adding pressure to my full life in the form of self correction gets met head on by my rebellious inner teenager. Before I know it I'm texting my friends, checking my facebook, and eating pizza for breakfast when I'm scheduled to be sewing, or practicing mindfulness, or eating a salad.

Maybe I want to change this OCD tendency toward self correction. Maybe I can pause in this moment to appreciate my good fortune, to thank myself for making the right choices. When I teach I use positive reinforcement. It is a valuable skill to be able to view daily life from a positive perspective. I am here. How can I experience, encourage, and cultivate all that is good in this moment?

16 January 2010

A New Blog

It's time I tried blogging again. I thought maybe if I have a central theme it might help. So my theme is my business. Nothing in particular. Just an account of my experience attempting to start a business making stuffed animals.

The business side of things has my thoughts constantly wandering off to the nether reaches of just about anything-cobwebs-anything but the linear theories and plans required to run a successful business. I've run up against this limitation before. I'm tired of turning back from the fog. This time I'm going in.

I was in business last year so I've been working on my taxes. Ugh. I spent hours organizing, calculating, printing forms, following instructions to fill them out which inevitably led me to other forms only to find out that I didn't need to fill out either form because I didn't make enough money. I spent an embarrassing number of hours raking through this stuff. I can't afford an accountant so I have to make sense of it. In the end I am getting a refund. Which is good. It goes directly to my previous debt to the IRS. Hopefully I didn't break any laws or screw myself out of something like the Super Awesome Dames bonus of 4 gadrillion dollars. By the time I was finished I really didn't care. Next year I'll get an accountant.